by pam | Nov 17, 2024 | Changemaker, Health & Well-being, Peacebuilding, Women in Business
Amid a world overwhelmed by conflict, division, and uncertainty, do you ever feel powerless to make a difference — or even to find peace within yourself? You may think there is little or nothing you can do to help build peace in the world. I believe there is much that you can do, and it may be easier than you think.
YOU have within you the power to help build peace in the world. When you learn certain tools and practice them regularly, you will find inner peace. When you find inner peace you can then build it in your family, community, workplace … the world.
What is Inner Peace?
I love this poem that for me describes “inner peace”.
Peace.
It does not mean to be in a place
where there is no noise, trouble
or hard work.
It means to be in the midst of
these things and still be calm
in your heart. (Source unknown)
What does inner peace look and feel like for you? Take a few moments to get quiet and ask yourself the question, “What does inner peace look and feel like for me?” Notice what comes up. Write down your feelings. You may also wish to draw or paint a visual of what you experienced.
For me inner peace includes:
- Feeling centered and grounded
- Feeling and believing that I am enough
- Feeling that I belong and am safe
- Believing that I am part of something greater than myself and am here to make a difference in the world
- Being grateful for all that I have
- Believing the Universe is friendly and here to love and support me
- Being okay with uncertainty
- Feeling loved and nurtured when I take time for myself (not feeling guilty)
- Standing in my power, confidently expressing what I believe, and asking for what I want (not worrying about what others think or say)
- Having balance in my life
- Being in touch with and regularly tapping into my creative side
- Knowing what my passions, core values and life purpose are, and living a life aligned with them.
It Starts with You
Here are some proven strategies and powerful practices to help you to find inner peace.
- Quiet your busy mind through yoga, meditation, listening to relaxing music
- Engage in a passion such as dancing, gardening, painting, where you lose track of time and focus on the activity rather than your “to do” list
- Participate in mindfulness practices[1] (such as walking meditation) that enable you to be in the present moment
- Forgive yourself and others
- Listen to and trust in your body’s wisdom, and use it to guide your decisions and actions (Notice how you feel around people, and also how they react to you)
- Be grateful for what you have
- Surround yourself with people who nourish you rather than sap your energy
- Spend time regularly in nature
I encourage you to choose two or three of the above strategies and begin incorporating them into your life on a regular basis, and notice what you notice.
Building Peace in Your Family, Community, Workplace …
I’ve studied and been trained in conflict resolution, mediation and facilitation. I’ve had the opportunity to live and work in conflict zones including Afghanistan, Colombia, Pakistan and Nigeria. From my experiences working with people from a variety of ethno-cultural and religious backgrounds, I’ve learned the following.
- Treat people with respect and greet them with a smile.
The simple act of smiling (genuinely) connects us with others at work, in our families, and communities. I’ve been in situations where I didn’t speak the language of the person in front of me, and yet we were able to communicate. A smile opens up that “conversation”.
- Realize that people’s negative behaviors are usually not about you, but rather about them, and their past experiences.
There is a reason for all behavior. Rather that reacting negatively when someone does something that offends or upsets you, pause, take a deep breath and say to yourself Isn’t that curious, I wonder why they did that? OR What is happening for them today? Do I remind them of someone in their past who they fear or dislike? So rather than reacting, try to understand where they’re “coming from”.
I recall a time when I was managing a large international project and a Canadian administrative support person was assigned to work with me. From the time we began to work together, I sensed a tension between us. She said and did certain things that were really upsetting, and I wasn’t sure why. I reflected on how I had treated her from the outset and couldn’t uncover why she was treating me so negatively. Then it came to me, I reminded her of someone from her past; someone who she had negative feelings toward. Sure enough, after she was reassigned to another project and I shared in a conference call with the technical team all the good things about her and her work (as she was competent), things began to change. This woman shared that her sister was always popular in high school, and had a similar body structure to mine. I sensed that this was a time in this woman’s life when she didn’t feel confident about herself and was jealous of her sister. She also shared that she was often in pain. After that conference call, there was no longer tension between us and she often sought me out to share coffee together. Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar?
- Be Yourself (regardless of who you’re interacting with)
Experience has taught me that if I am real and authentic with whomever I interact with, it is easier for me to truly connect with them. Their bodies’ sense when I am acting or saying things out of alignment with who I really am. When I am “speaking my truth”, they know.
Being yourself enables you to truly connect with others whether they be in your family, community or workplace. When you let go of preconceived ideas about others, and how you should act in certain situations, it is much easier to “find inner peace” and model it for others. I’ve been asked if I act differently when working with Muslim men and I say “no”. I respect their culture (for example by wearing a head scarf and loose clothes in Afghanistan), and I “speak my truth” when I’m with them. I believe they respect me for that. The same holds true with family members. Now that my children are grown, I make a concerted effort to respect them for their decisions and only to contribute my ideas when asked. This is indeed challenging at times, however, I am learning.
My Vision
I see a world free of war and violence.
One where all cultures and religions are accepted.
Where all people are respected and treated with respect;
Where people live together in communities that model the values
of contribution, collaboration, caring and connection.
Where people are truly connected with who they are and the gifts they have to share.
Where creativity is valued, and everyone knows how to tap into and express their creative side.
Where people have the courage to reach out for support when they need it.
I see a world where people trust their bodies, value their own wisdom, and know when and how to say no;
One that believes in the power of groups and synergy, that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts;
A world, where women and men stand together as partners.
What’s your vision? What will YOU do to help build peace in the world?
[1] A tool from Eastern psychology that I have found extremely useful for getting “out of my head” and into my body is Mindfulness Walking Meditation. Mindfulness practices focus on the senses and feeling sensations and emotions in our bodies. When we do mindfulness walking meditation, we feel the ground beneath our feet, the breeze against our face, the cool air going from our nostrils down into our lungs. We smell the scent of salt or the aroma of lavender in the air and observe the scenery in front of us. We try to stay out of our minds, and experience our senses. Rather than spend a walk in nature constantly thinking and processing all the things we have to do, instead we stay present and experience nature and all of its beautiful sights, smells, sounds and sensations.
2. A previous version of this article was published in the January 2017 issue of “Eydis Authentic Living magazine”.
by pam | Aug 27, 2024 | Feminine Leadership, Healthy Organizations, LeadinginUncertainTimes, Preventing Burnout, Women in Business
Now, more than ever, we need to create and nurture cultures of collaboration within our organizations and communities. The complex issues we are facing today such as climate change and systemic racism require multiple “heads” and diverse perspectives “around the table” to generate creative solutions.
In the past few years, more and more influential women are coming out publicly and acknowledging that they have burnt out. An example is Jacinda Ardern, the former Prime Minister of New Zealand who in January 2023, announced “I no longer have enough in the tank to do the job”, and declared that was why she was stepping down.
It is being acknowledged more widely that the traditional ways of doing business and being successful; of driving and striving, valuing competition over collaboration, and leading from our heads and egos rather than from our hearts, are no longer sustainable. Arianna Huffington, co-founder of the Huffington Post and founder and CEO of Thrive Global, has shared her story of collapsing from overwork and why she created Thrive Global. It was as a result of her experience of “working day and night” and the negative impact it had, and her desire to share that there is a healthier way to be “successful”.
In more than three decades of facilitating multi-stakeholder consultation processes and strategic plans, co-creating projects, managing large international projects, and founding and running a national not-for-profit, I have experienced the amazing power of working collaboratively and the rich solutions that result when people from different backgrounds and cultures work together toward a common goal. I have also experienced the negative impacts that can result from focusing on competition.
What is the difference between a culture of competition and one of collaboration?
A Culture of Competition
Looks like:
- Individuals are rewarded, rather than teams, for their performance
- Everything is urgent; priorities are unclear
- Organizational values are not clear or not “followed”
- Unclear vision; people do not see how they “fit in” or contribute to the organization
- Senior management makes decisions with little or no consultation with other levels of the organization
- Planning is “top down”
- Leaders tend to hire folks like themselves
- People criticized for deviating from the organizational norms and for their “failures”
- Unclear expectations about where work ends, and personal/family life begins
- Managers expect people to respond to emails and/or text messages evenings and weekends
- People consistently work more than 50 hours/week
Results in:
- Reduced employee engagement
- Reduced productivity
- Little if any innovation
- Reduced morale
- Extreme stress leading to Increased rates of absenteeism and sick leave … and in extreme cases burnout, chronic illnesses and what the Japanese call “karoshi” or death from overwork
- Increased conflict among employees and managers
- Stress on families and relationships …
- A reduced “bottom line”
Whereas,
A Culture of Collaboration
Looks like:
- Teams are rewarded for their performance
- Priorities are clear to everyone in the organization
- Organizational values are clear and people “walk the talk”
- The vision of the organization is clear, and people see how they “fit into” or contribute to the organization
- Senior management believes in and involves those closest to an issue to be part of the process to generate solutions to address it
- Planning is participatory
- Leaders are aware of their strengths as well as their weaknesses and hire a variety of people to complement their strengths and address their weaknesses
- People feel safe in the environment and are encouraged to voice their concerns and suggestions
- Leaders set clear expectations and model work-life balance (e.g. do not expect their direct reports to respond to emails and/or text messages on evenings and weekends)
- People are not expected to work more than a forty-hour week unless there is a critical issue or proposal, for example, that needs to be addressed/finalized
- Feminine leadership qualities such as: collaboration, inclusiveness, intuition, emotional intelligence and creativity are valued and modelled by those in leadership positions
Results in:
- Enhanced employee engagement
- Increased productivity
- Enhanced creativity and innovation
- Improved morale
- Enhanced health and well-being of employees
- Reduced tension and conflict
- An enhanced “bottom line”
I invite you to “weigh in” on whether you think it is time to value, create and nurture more cultures of collaboration and why.
Stay tuned for future posts on creating cultures of collaboration.
by pam | Nov 27, 2023 | Burnout, Health & Wellbeing, High Achieving Women, Leadership, Self-Care
I was recently nudged to reread a book I wrote ten years ago. From that experience I’m called to share my reflections and reframe the book through a lens that I hope will make it more valued and understood by more people. This is the first in a series of posts on those reflections.
What has changed? (since I wrote “Learning to Dance with Life: A Guide for High Achieving Women” )
In the past ten years, more and more influential women, and some men, are coming out of the woodwork and acknowledging that they have burnt out. An example is Jacinda Ardern, the former Prime Minister of New Zealand who in January 2023, announced “I no longer have enough in the tank to do the job”, and declared that was why she was stepping down.
It is being acknowledged more widely that the traditional ways of doing business and being successful; of driving and striving, valuing competition over collaboration, and leading from our heads and egos rather than from our hearts, are no longer sustainable. Arianna Huffington, co-founder of the Huffington Post and founder and CEO of Thrive Global, has shared her story of collapsing from overwork and why she created Thrive Global. It was as a result of her experience of “working day and night” and the negative impact it had, and her desire to share that there is a healthier way to be “successful”.
Leadership qualities such as collaboration, creativity, emotional intelligence, inclusiveness, and intuition (typically associated with the feminine) are being acknowledged as important and needed to solve complex issues of today such as climate change and systemic racism. See https://old.pamela-thompson.com/why-feminine-leadership-holds-the-key-to-creating-a-world-that-works-for-everyone/ for a more detailed discussion.
The experience of the pandemic caused many people to burn out. Working at home, many parents had to also look after their children which stretched them very thin. Others had difficulty creating boundaries between their work and home life. Still others felt isolated which led to depression and other mental health issues.
In 2014 I said that I “almost” burnt out[1] and I didn’t acknowledge that I had, which I now do.
I now have heightened awareness of the importance for me of being in nature every day, and what happens when I don’t get my nature “hits”.
What remains the same since writing “Learning to Dance with Life”
Some things remain the same. For example, the seven keys in my book are still relevant. Seven keys to consciously cultivating improved health, happiness, fulfillment and inner peace in your life, and the powerful practices associated with each one, supporting us to heal from the inside out.
The proven strategies and powerful practices woven throughout the book are based on evidence from neuroscience, eastern psychology, and the health-promoting and healing benefits of the arts, and my own journey as well as that of women I have coached, all of which are being recognized more broadly as supporting healing and positive health and well-being.
The link between High Achieving Women and burnout. My work and the growing body of research related to burnout demonstrates that having qualities of a High Achieving Woman increase your risk of burning out.
When I was writing “Learning to Dance with Life: A Guide for High Achieving Women” my editor wondered whether a more appropriate title might be “Learning to Dance with Life: A Guide for Driven Women”. Perhaps that is so, as many women who I would consider “high achieving” do not perceive themselves as such. While writing “Learning to Life” I interviewed women from three continents who I perceived as high achieving and some of them said things like, “I’m not a High Achieving Women or, I don’t have any great accomplishments to my name, or I’m not in the corporate world, or it sounds arrogant to call myself a High Achieving Woman.” I think that is still the case today.
I identified nineteen attributes of High Achieving Women that I validated in my interviews that still hold true today (in chapter 1). The majority of High Achieving Women tend to give more than they receive, and many are challenged to reach out for support. The also spend much more time doing than being.
Why I focused on women.
- More and more women are becoming leaders, managers and entrepreneurs
- Increasing numbers of women are primary breadwinners in their families
- Women in all cultures transmit their values and wisdom to their families
- Women have the power to change the world.
Why I wrote the book including that “I’m called to get the message out about the negative impacts on our bodies, minds and relationships that result from driving ourselves, not listening to our bodies, and living in our left brain (p. 4).”
I welcome your thoughts and comments below on what you believe has changed in the past 10 years related to burnout and how to prevent and heal from it.
[1] “Burnout is a state of emotional, mental, and often physical exhaustion brought on by prolonged or repeated stress. Though it’s most often caused by problems at work, it can also appear in other areas of life, such as parenting, caretaking, or romantic relationships.” Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/burnout
by pam | Nov 6, 2023 | Celebrating, Feminine Leadership, LeadinginUncertainTimes
When was the last time you truly rewarded yourself for a job well done? In my former life of driving and striving, I would complete something on my list, check it off and get on with the next thing. I didn’t take time to celebrate.
Recently I handed over the leadership of a national non-profit I founded about three years ago to two extremely capable women. I feel so blessed that they said yes to taking over the reins. Founding and running a non-profit is similar, to starting up and running a business. You need to generate revenue, identify who you are serving and provide them with products and services that meet their needs. As a leader, it is important to create a team that works well together and inspire them with your vision and mission.
When I founded Female Wave of Change Canada – https://fwoccanada.com on December 7, 2020, it was part of a commitment to the global body Female Wave of Change – https://femalewaveofchange.com to create a legal entity to build the community and grow the movement across Canada. We believe that feminine leadership holds the key to creating a better world; a more conscious, equitable, just, sustainable, and peaceful one. From the outset when Ingun Bol, the founder, invited me to be Ambassador for Canada of Female Wave of Change, I felt the passion and alignment to their philosophy and values. The fact that Ingun did not provide a model of how the community “should” be grown was another thing that attracted me. The opportunity to create something new and inspire others to believe in our mission and vision and truly model the attributes of a feminine leader appealed to me. Such attributes include: authenticity, inclusiveness, collaborative, emotionally intelligent … (explained in more detail here: https://old.pamela-thompson.com/why-feminine-leadership-holds-the-key-to-creating-a-world-that-works-for-everyone)
In this constantly changing and uncertain world we live in, how many of us take the time to really listen to what our heart and gut are telling us? Perhaps that is one of the benefits of aging. When we are younger, we may set goals and pursue careers based on what others are telling us we’re good at. As we age and hopefully become wiser, we really don’t care much about what others think and gain more clarity about what will truly bring us joy.
I knew more than six months before I mentioned to my Board that I needed to hand over the leadership and that my passion was starting to wane. My heart and gut were telling me that it was important to open up some more space to be creative; to write that next book, to start painting, to be open to other possibilities, whatever they might be. For awhile, I was afraid to announce to the Board my intention. However, when I said in early May of this year that by the end of September, I wanted to hand over the reins, I was extremely clear. I had also considered that if no one came forward that I would have to potentially shut down an organization that I had poured my “heart and soul” into. Having that clarity, I believe assisted me and the Board to decide on a Co-Chair model with two women leaders sharing the responsibility of moving the organization forward with the support of others on the Board. It is also a beautiful way to model collaboration, one of the attributes of a feminine leader.
I’m proud to say that we have a strong committed Board and a core of paid members who attend our monthly virtual gatherings with featured guests on a regular basis. We have also co-created a “Mother Earth Ambassador Program”; an experiential outdoor education program for girls ages 9 to 12 that teaches them about Mother Earth, the Mother Tree, and how to become Mother Earth Ambassadors in their homes, schools and communities. More details here: https://old.pamela-thompson.com/how-mother-nature-the-mother-tree-and-feminine-leadership-intersect-a-unique-program-empowering-leaders-of-the-future/. The first cohort of the program is happening in Metchosin, BC on Vancouver Island and is scheduled to finish in early December. We are currently seeking partners to implement this program across Canada and beyond. Feel free to reach out if you and your organization is interested in that possibility by emailing me directly at pamela@femalewaveofchange.com.
If interested in learning more about Female Wave of Change Canada I invite you to explore our website: https://fwoccanada.com and register to attend one of our virtual monthly gatherings that typically happen the third Wednesday of every month from 4:30 to 6 pm Pacific/7:30 to 9 pm Eastern.
So, how did I reward myself? I planned a three-week vacation in Portugal and invited a dear friend to join me. We had a blast! How will you reward yourself and celebrate your next achievement?
I welcome your thoughts and comments below.
by pam | Jun 13, 2023 | Benefits of being in nature, Collaboration, Feminine Leadership, Health & Wellbeing
It was about six weeks into the pandemic; a scary and uncertain time. Then came the news of air pollution levels over China drastically decreasing and dolphins returning to swim in the canals of Venice! Two powerful indicators of nature showing us how she can heal herself and ways we can contribute to healing the planet.
I’ve been interested in nature since a child and feel blessed to now live 10 minutes’ walk from the ocean and about 10 minutes from a beautiful park. That said I’ve never studied much about the environment, sustainability, or regenerative agriculture until recently. These powerful examples from nature encouraged me to want to learn more and find out how I could contribute to improving the health of the planet.
I run a national, member-based non-profit Female Wave of Change Canada. We are part of a global social movement, Female Wave of Change , now in over 40 countries around the globe. We believe feminine leadership holds the key to creating a better world; a more conscious, equitable, just, sustainable, and peaceful one. We work in five pillar areas: education, environment, economy, health, and humanity. Inspired by these two powerful examples from nature, I put a call out to members in late June of 2021 to invite them to be part of a team to co-create a project related to the environment. The caveat was they needed to have an interest in and/or be passionate about the environment. They didn’t need to be a subject matter expert and if they were that was a bonus. Five members responded to the “call”, one being a subject matter expert. In less than six months via zoom, we co-created the Mother Earth Ambassador Program[1], an experiential, outdoor education program to teach girls ages 9 to 12 about Mother Earth, the Mother Tree, and how to become Ambassadors for Mother Earth in their homes, schools, and communities.
We reviewed a number of articles and books, as well as videos and programs on nature, the environment, and sustainability and decided to focus on the forest. We were strongly influenced by the work of Suzanne Simard, a forest ecologist at the University of British Columbia and her research on the Mother Tree. She discovered that there are hub trees in the forest and called them Mother Trees as they display many characteristics of nurturing mothers such as when a tree is experiencing unhealthy conditions such as insufficient nutrients, the Mother Tree communicates through the mycorrhizal fungi in the soil to other trees to support young and unhealthy trees even if they are of another species. The Mother Tree exhibits qualities of feminine leadership our organization promotes such as inclusiveness, collaboration, and creativity to name a few.
Girls aged 9 to 12 are the leaders of the future and teaching them about the Mother Tree, Mother Nature and how to become Ambassadors strengthens their confidence to make wise choices during a pivotal time in their lives. During the program, each girl develops a personalized action plan to create positive change for the earth in her home, school and/or community.
We are currently accepting applications for a cohort of eight girls starting in Metchosin on Vancouver Island on September 23 running for eight Saturdays until November 18. The program is being facilitated by Sarah Wade a certified elementary and middle school teacher with much experience teaching outdoor education including living and working with indigenous elders and youth in Nunavut.
We have a big vision for the program. We plan to develop partnerships with organizations who serve girls ages 9 to 12 to deliver the program across Canada and beyond. To support this vision, we need funds to create a train-the-trainer program that will augment the detailed facilitator’s guide and overall program design we developed with the support of a gifted curriculum development consultant Tiana Fech.
If this program “strikes a chord” with you, there are three ways you may support it:
- Share the program details with families you know with girls aged 9 to 12 who live in the Greater Victoria, BC area who you think might be a good fit, and encourage them to consider applying – https://fwoccanada.com/mother-earth-ambassador-program/
- Donate or become a sponsor for the program (Note that we receive no funds from the parent organization and all of our programs and initiatives are supported by memberships, donations, and sponsors) – https://fwoccanada.com/donate/
- Contact info@fwoccanada.com if you are aware of or belong to an organization who would be interested in learning more about delivering this program in your/their community.
[1] I would like to acknowledge Dave Best, CEO, Vanilla Blossom (sponsor), Tiana Fech, those members of FWOCC who donated to the initiative and the 5 members of the team who “birthed” the Mother Earth Ambassador Program with me: Rita Fromholt, Laureen Card, Donna Fairhurst, Charmaine Hammond, and Carolyn Pisani.
