I’m in the recovery phase of shingles. [1] For those of you who’ve had it, you know it’s not fun and quite painful. For those who haven’t, I hope you never get it.
You may be wondering what shingles has to do with overusing your masculine side. Shingles presents with a red rash that follows your nerve endings. It typically starts on your trunk and goes down one side of your body. For me, it started at my lower back and went down the right side of my body, the masculine side.
What’s the difference between our masculine and feminine sides and masculine and feminine energy? The table below illustrates the differences.
Feminine Energy (Yin) BEING & GIVING
Masculine Energy (Yang) DOING & RECEIVING
Creative
Linear & Logical
Intuitive
Analytical
Receptive
Assertive
Collaborative
Competitive
Emotional
Rational
Passionate
Determined
Empathetic
Objective
Allows for “flow”
Goal-directed
Associated with left side of our body
Associated with right side of our body
As leaders and change-makers, (and you may be a leader in your family, community, workplace, business), it’s important that we use both sides of our body and both types of energy. When we don’t, our body, mind, relationships, and” success” at home and work are negatively impacted. For example, if we are constantly in our masculine energy, over time it leads to illness, lack of fulfillment, restlessness and unhappiness. Conversely, if we are dominated by feminine energy, we can become needy, resentful, ill and insecure.
It is important to note that a balance between yin and yang does not necessarily mean 50% yin and 50% yang. It means learning to create your own unique mix so that your happiness is amplified and your success (how you define it) is enhanced.
How does this apply to my recent bout of shingles? I realize I have been “breaking” one of my “rules” related to working. I have a “rule” that I typically turn off my computer before having dinner. That way I have a few hours before retiring to share time with my partner, relax and ideally not think about work. I realize lately I’ve been on the computer after dinner sometimes till 9:30 pm or later. I also typically leave spaces in my agenda to take daily walks in nature. I have been “falling down” a bit on that one as well.
So how can you balance your masculine and feminine sides?
Spend time in nature five or more days a week. Often a 20-to-30-minute walk enables you to return to work re-energized with increased focus and creativity. If this is new to you, start slowly and do three days a week for 20 minutes and gradually increase the time.
Unplug from technology for at least one entire day each week (Saturdays work best for me). I’ve found this strategy truly re-energizes me and others I’ve shared it with.
Get at least 7 hours sleep a night and go to sleep at the same time each night (if possible). Sleep is necessary to rejuvenate and repair our bodies and having a regular schedule supports deep and healing sleep.
Instead of leaping out of bed each day and “hitting the ground running” make a conscious effort before you get up toquiet your mind and scan your body from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. Notice any tension or discomfort; breathe into these areas and consciously release and let go of the tension.
Meditate regularly (ideally daily) for 10 to 20 minutes. There are a number of digital products available to help you do this. I have found Deepak and Oprah’s 21-day meditation experiences helpful as they focus on a key theme, and each day break down the theme. In addition, beautiful nature sounds, and music play in the background to assist you in relaxing and staying focused.
Practice yoga at least three times a week. A style of yoga I’ve found particularly helpful in balancing the right and left sides of my body is yin yoga. It is a meditative form of yoga done in a warm room and focuses on holding poses for up to five minutes. This “untangles” our connective tissue which grows “fuzz” during the night. If we don’t stretch and untangle our connective tissue, it results in reduced movement and flexibility and ultimately in contractures. Check out Dr. Fuzz on YouTube.
Eat a healthy diet rich in fresh, colorful, unprocessed foods at each meal.
I welcome your suggestions on what you’ve found helpful to “balance” your masculine/yang and feminine/yin sides and energies.
[1] For anyone who has had chickenpox, you have the possibility of getting shingles sometime in your life. It’s caused by the herpes zoster virus which stays in your body and presents itself as shingles when your immune system is compromised.
Now, more than ever, we need to create and nurture cultures of collaboration within our organizations and communities. The complex issues we are facing today such as climate change and systemic racism require multiple “heads” and diverse perspectives “around the table” to generate creative solutions.
In the past few years, more and more influential women are coming out publicly and acknowledging that they have burnt out. An example is Jacinda Ardern, the former Prime Minister of New Zealand who in January 2023, announced “I no longer have enough in the tank to do the job”, and declared that was why she was stepping down.
It is being acknowledged more widely that the traditional ways of doing business and being successful; of driving and striving, valuing competition over collaboration, and leading from our heads and egos rather than from our hearts, are no longer sustainable. Arianna Huffington, co-founder of the Huffington Post and founder and CEO of Thrive Global, has shared her story of collapsing from overwork and why she created Thrive Global. It was as a result of her experience of “working day and night” and the negative impact it had, and her desire to share that there is a healthier way to be “successful”.
In more than three decades of facilitating multi-stakeholder consultation processes and strategic plans, co-creating projects, managing large international projects, and founding and running a national not-for-profit, I have experienced the amazing power of working collaboratively and the rich solutions that result when people from different backgrounds and cultures work together toward a common goal. I have also experienced the negative impacts that can result from focusing on competition.
What is the difference between a culture of competition and one of collaboration?
A Culture of Competition
Looks like:
Individuals are rewarded, rather than teams, for their performance
Everything is urgent; priorities are unclear
Organizational values are not clear or not “followed”
Unclear vision; people do not see how they “fit in” or contribute to the organization
Senior management makes decisions with little or no consultation with other levels of the organization
Planning is “top down”
Leaders tend to hire folks like themselves
People criticized for deviating from the organizational norms and for their “failures”
Unclear expectations about where work ends, and personal/family life begins
Managers expect people to respond to emails and/or text messages evenings and weekends
People consistently work more than 50 hours/week
Results in:
Reduced employee engagement
Reduced productivity
Little if any innovation
Reduced morale
Extreme stress leading to Increased rates of absenteeism and sick leave … and in extreme cases burnout, chronic illnesses and what the Japanese call “karoshi” or death from overwork
Increased conflict among employees and managers
Stress on families and relationships …
A reduced “bottom line”
Whereas,
A Culture of Collaboration
Looks like:
Teams are rewarded for their performance
Priorities are clear to everyone in the organization
Organizational values are clear and people “walk the talk”
The vision of the organization is clear, and people see how they “fit into” or contribute to the organization
Senior management believes in and involves those closest to an issue to be part of the process to generate solutions to address it
Planning is participatory
Leaders are aware of their strengths as well as their weaknesses and hire a variety of people to complement their strengths and address their weaknesses
People feel safe in the environment and are encouraged to voice their concerns and suggestions
Leaders set clear expectations and model work-life balance (e.g. do not expect their direct reports to respond to emails and/or text messages on evenings and weekends)
People are not expected to work more than a forty-hour week unless there is a critical issue or proposal, for example, that needs to be addressed/finalized
Feminine leadership qualities such as: collaboration, inclusiveness, intuition, emotional intelligence and creativity are valued and modelled by those in leadership positions
Results in:
Enhanced employee engagement
Increased productivity
Enhanced creativity and innovation
Improved morale
Enhanced health and well-being of employees
Reduced tension and conflict
An enhanced “bottom line”
I invite you to “weigh in” on whether you think it is time to value, create and nurture more cultures of collaboration and why.
Stay tuned for future posts on creating cultures of collaboration.
In “Learning to Dance with Life”, I coined the term “Creative Living”. It is defined as “the conscious cultivation of improved health, happiness, fulfillment and inner peace in your life (p. 35).” In today’s world of constant change and much conflict and strife globally, Creative Living is more important than ever. Having tools and strategies to ground us and help us respond from a place of inner peace and understanding rather than conflict and reactivity, is so needed.
I also identified seven keys to Creative Living which I believe continue to be important to help us prevent and heal from burnout, and live a life of radiant health, happiness, fulfillment, and inner peace. The seven keys are:
Listen to and trust in your body’s wisdom
Tap into and express your creative side
Consciously create right and left brain-body balance
Live in alignment with your core values
Believe that you are here to make a difference
Learn from and embrace life transitions
Find inner peace, and build peace in your family, friends, community, workplace … the world.
There is also now more documented evidence supporting each of the seven keys.
Based on some feedback I received in the past, I’m not certain that some people understood that Creative Living and the seven keys associated with it, supported me and others to heal from burnout. I know for certain that integrating these seven keys and the proven strategies and powerful practices associated with them, together, have enabled me to heal from the inside out and to live a life of improved health, happiness, fulfillment, and inner peace.
In the book, I identify seven elements of Creative Living. They are:
Body wisdom
Creativity
Balance
Core Values
Beliefs
Life Transitions
Inner Peace.
“The elements may be likened to seeds that germinate when nourished with sufficient water, food, and warmth. The “work that we do around each seed, enables us to cultivate a unique garden of health, happiness, fulfillment and inner peace (p. 36).” I stand by this statement and am living proof of it.
How about you? Do you relate to all or any of the seven keys and elements above? I welcome your thoughts and experiences below.
I so needed this vacation. My mind was buzzing, and I wanted to escape from the day-to-day responsibilities, to be in the warmth, to speak Spanish, to have little or no structure in each day, to swim and do lengths in the pool.
When I glide through the water I feel such freedom, such strength, such focus on the rhythm of my breath as I do the front crawl for 50, 70 or more lengths. It feels so good! Perhaps I was part fish in a previous life!?
I sit outside in front of our casita in a pueblo magico in Mexico. It is a beautiful fishing village that has a special vibe. The beach is long and wide, and each evening people gather to watch the sun set. When the glowing orb drops into the sea everyone claps. It’s quite an experience. The locals are a mix of ex-pats and Mexicans. There are more and more young people visiting the town and there are also a number of older hippies from North America who live here half the year. It is indeed a special place. I feel like I belong here. My Spanish has come back after about 3 years of not speaking. It flows easily off my tongue until every now and again when I forget a word and have to ask what it is in Spanish.
I love Latin culture. I lived in Colombia in the late 1980s in a small town of 250 houses about 3.5 hours north of Bogota. When I arrived there, I felt like I’d come home. Curious! I gave myself three months to learn Spanish and I did it! Living in a pueblo where hardly anyone speaks English, if you are someone who loves to connect with and communicate with others, is an incentive to learn a language quickly. How fortunate I was to have had that experience!
Over to you, how do you recharge and rejuvenate? What is your favorite place/activity/type of vacation? I welcome your comments below.
“We all have masculine and feminine within us, and when it’s all balanced it’s like accessing a super power.” (Alicia Keys)
What do we mean by “masculine” and “feminine” and why is balancing them important?
Much has been written about the sacred feminine (yin) and the sacred masculine (yang). Although each person possesses both masculine and feminine energies, usually one type is more developed or dominant. This dominant energy affects how you perceive yourself, others, your environments and how you interact with the world.
The qualities of each type of energy are outlined in the table below. *
Feminine Energy (Yin) BEING & GIVING
Masculine Energy (Yang) DOING & RECEIVING
Creative
Linear & Logical
Intuitive
Analytical
Collaborative
Competitive
Receptive
Assertive
Emotional
Rational
Passionate
Determined
Empathetic
Objective
Allow for “flow”
Goal-directed
Excerpted from “Learning to Dance with Life: A Guide for High Achieving Women” (2015) by Pamela Thompson, p. 84
When you live life feeling like you are on a hamster wheel and can’t get off, you are exhibiting many of the characteristics of masculine energy. It’s important to be aware of the qualities of each type of energy because being out of balance negatively impacts our bodies, our minds, our relationships and our work. For example, if we are constantly in our masculine energy, over time it leads to illness, lack of fulfillment, unhappiness, and restlessness. Whereas if we are dominated by our feminine energy, we become ill, resentful, needy and insecure.
How can you find and create your own unique balance between your feminine and masculine energies? A good place to start is with an assessment.
Here’s an illuminating exercise:
At the end of the day, take some time to pause and reflect on your day. Create 2 lists. Put at the top of one list “Doing” and the other list “Being”. Without thinking too much, do a brain dump of all the things you’ve done in that day. This could include: planning with your team, chairing a meeting, doing a performance review … . Then write down all the things you would categorize as “being” such as: walking mindfully in nature, meditating, spending time focusing attentively on someone or something.
If it’s been an unusual day, take the time to also reflect on the previous day.
Then create 2 other lists. Think about all your “Giving” behaviors that day. Examples include: making a meal for a sick friend, volunteering your time to assist others, listening to a friend’s tale of woe. .
Now think about all your “Receiving” behaviors for that day. Receiving behaviors include: treating yourself to a yoga class and being present during it, meditating for at least 10 minutes, reaching out for support when you needed it; such as “Sweetie, do you mind driving the kids to school today? I’ve got a lot on my plate.”, treating yourself to a bubble bath or massage.
Now look at your lists. What do you notice?Are you giving more than receiving and doing more than being?
Then take a few moments to go into your body and notice how you are feeling. Are you low in energy? Are you feeling resentful? Are you finding you have a “short fuse” and that you are reacting rather than taking some thoughtful time to respond to people at home and/or at work?
I invite you to do this exercise for a few days and notice what you notice. I welcome your reflections and insights below.
Stay tuned for the next installment to discover some tips and tools for balancing your masculine and feminine energy.
Many people are talking about the “new normal” and what our lives will look like after COVID-19. Rather than returning to old beliefs, systems and ways of working, I view this time as an opportunity to internalize new beliefs, create new systems and ways of working, building on the lessons learned so far and based on the vision of a world that works for everyone.
One area that I feel strongly about is Work-Life Balance. Having almost burnt out several times in my life I know what it is like to feel SOoo tired and to push through fatigue to finish that one last “thing”, instead of listening to my body and taking a break. I’ve also witnessed younger and younger women clients losing their passion and burning out. Perhaps you relate.
Did you know that burnout is reaching epidemic proportions worldwide?
In May of 2019, the World Health Organization (WHO) revised its classification of burnout from a medical condition to an occupational phenomenon. Their definition:
“Burn-out is a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. It is characterized by three dimensions:
feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion;
increased mental distance from one’s job, or feelings of negativism or cynicism related to one’s job; and
The importance of this change in the WHO classification is that it acknowledges that organizations and their leaders have a role to play in reducing workplace stress; rather than burnout being perceived as a personal medical issue, a sign of weakness and something to be hidden and ashamed of.
When you think about work-life balance what thoughts or feelings come up for you? You may have negative feelings about the term and believe it isn’t possible OR you may dream of living a life where you no longer are feeling there is so much to do and so little time but instead are feeling healthy, happy and fulfilled.
For me, work-life balance is both personal and elusive. Personal, because what work-life balance looks and feels like for me is different from what work-life balance looks and feels like for you. Elusive because many people speak about work-life balance and yet few are able to achieve or maintain it.
How can you as a leader integrate work-life balance into your own life and model it for others in the workplace? Here are some “tried and true” strategies:
Personally:
Count up the number of hours you typically work in a week. Is it more than 50? (Obviously sometimes)
Make a commitment to reduce the number of hours you typically work weekly (choose a realistic number to begin with)
Experiment with a work week when you reduce your hours. Then notice how you feel. You may wish to journal about it
Make a clear differentiation between work and home time. For example, before leaving work say to yourself, I am now leaving work behind, or pick a point on your drive or walk home where you make a conscious choice to release work and step into “your” time
Begin incorporating mindfulness practices into your personal life; e.g.
on awakening while lying in bed do a body scan from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet noticing any tension, discomfort, heaviness. Breathe into those areas of tension, discomfort or heaviness and set the intention to release and let go of them.
Start doing mindfulness walking meditations 3 times/week for 30 minutes each time.[2] Some of my clients do this at lunch hour. Others after work. Notice how you feel before, during and after. Is there a cumulative effect?
Schedule blocks of time in your calendar for you (e.g. work out at the gym, yoga class, lunch with a friend, concert with your partner)
Unplug at least 90 minutes before retiring and encourage your colleagues to do the same.
Organizationally:
At work, encourage people to take breaks
Set clear expectations with your direct reports and colleagues related to NOT checking emails and answering texts on evenings and weekends. Share with them the importance of them taking time for themselves and their families
Have short meetings (up to 60 minutes max) with clearly defined agendas, and expectations so people know why they’re there, how to prepare and the expected results
Encourage people to take lunch breaks
Support people to take regular vacations and to NOT check their emails while on vacation (set up a buddy system so staff and managers can feel that the key aspects of their positions are being covered while they are away)
Have yoga classes and/or a gym on site and participate in the classes/use the facilities yourself.
What strategies have you found helpful to create more balance in your life on a personal level and if you have a team, on an organizational level? I welcome your comments and suggestions below. Feel free to share this post with others.
[2] A tool from Easter psychology that I have found extremely useful for getting “out of my head” and into my body is Mindfulness Walking Meditation. Mindfulness practices focus on the senses and feeling sensations and emotions in our bodies. When we do a mindfulness walking meditation, we feel the ground beneath our feet, we feel the breeze against our face, we feel the cool air going from our nostrils down into our lungs. We smell the scent of salt or the aroma of lavender in the air and observe the scenery in front of us. We try to stay out of our minds and experience our senses. Rather than spend a walk in nature constantly thinking and processing all the things we have to do, instead we stay present and experience nature and all of its beautiful sights, smells, sounds and sensations.
