Amid a world overwhelmed by conflict, division, and uncertainty, do you ever feel powerless to make a difference — or even to find peace within yourself? You may think there is little or nothing you can do to help build peace in the world. I believe there is much that you can do, and it may be easier than you think.
YOU have within you the power to help build peace in the world. When you learn certain tools and practice them regularly, you will find inner peace. When you find inner peace you can then build it in your family, community, workplace … the world.
What is Inner Peace?
I love this poem that for me describes “inner peace”.
Peace.
It does not mean to be in a place
where there is no noise, trouble
or hard work.
It means to be in the midst of
these things and still be calm
in your heart. (Source unknown)
What does inner peace look and feel like for you? Take a few moments to get quiet and ask yourself the question, “What does inner peace look and feel like for me?” Notice what comes up. Write down your feelings. You may also wish to draw or paint a visual of what you experienced.
For me inner peace includes:
Feeling centered and grounded
Feeling and believing that I am enough
Feeling that I belong and am safe
Believing that I am part of something greater than myself and am here to make a difference in the world
Being grateful for all that I have
Believing the Universe is friendly and here to love and support me
Being okay with uncertainty
Feeling loved and nurtured when I take time for myself (not feeling guilty)
Standing in my power, confidently expressing what I believe, and asking for what I want (not worrying about what others think or say)
Having balance in my life
Being in touch with and regularly tapping into my creative side
Knowing what my passions, core values and life purpose are, and living a life aligned with them.
It Starts with You
Here are some proven strategies and powerful practices to help you to find inner peace.
Quiet your busy mind through yoga, meditation, listening to relaxing music
Engage in a passion such as dancing, gardening, painting, where you lose track of time and focus on the activity rather than your “to do” list
Participate in mindfulness practices[1] (such as walking meditation) that enable you to be in the present moment
Forgive yourself and others
Listen to and trust in your body’s wisdom, and use it to guide your decisions and actions (Notice how you feel around people, and also how they react to you)
Be grateful for what you have
Surround yourself with people who nourish you rather than sap your energy
Spend time regularly in nature
I encourage you to choose two or three of the above strategies and begin incorporating them into your life on a regular basis, and notice what you notice.
Building Peace in Your Family, Community, Workplace …
I’ve studied and been trained in conflict resolution, mediation and facilitation. I’ve had the opportunity to live and work in conflict zones including Afghanistan, Colombia, Pakistan and Nigeria. From my experiences working with people from a variety of ethno-cultural and religious backgrounds, I’ve learned the following.
Treat people with respect and greet them with a smile.
The simple act of smiling (genuinely) connects us with others at work, in our families, and communities. I’ve been in situations where I didn’t speak the language of the person in front of me, and yet we were able to communicate. A smile opens up that “conversation”.
Realize that people’s negative behaviors are usually not about you, but rather about them, and their past experiences.
There is a reason for all behavior. Rather that reacting negatively when someone does something that offends or upsets you, pause, take a deep breath and say to yourself Isn’t that curious, I wonder why they did that? OR What is happening for them today? Do I remind them of someone in their past who they fear or dislike? So rather than reacting, try to understand where they’re “coming from”.
I recall a time when I was managing a large international project and a Canadian administrative support person was assigned to work with me. From the time we began to work together, I sensed a tension between us. She said and did certain things that were really upsetting, and I wasn’t sure why. I reflected on how I had treated her from the outset and couldn’t uncover why she was treating me so negatively. Then it came to me, I reminded her of someone from her past; someone who she had negative feelings toward. Sure enough, after she was reassigned to another project and I shared in a conference call with the technical team all the good things about her and her work (as she was competent), things began to change. This woman shared that her sister was always popular in high school, and had a similar body structure to mine. I sensed that this was a time in this woman’s life when she didn’t feel confident about herself and was jealous of her sister. She also shared that she was often in pain. After that conference call, there was no longer tension between us and she often sought me out to share coffee together. Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar?
Be Yourself (regardless of who you’re interacting with)
Experience has taught me that if I am real and authentic with whomever I interact with, it is easier for me to truly connect with them. Their bodies’ sense when I am acting or saying things out of alignment with who I really am. When I am “speaking my truth”, they know.
Being yourself enables you to truly connect with others whether they be in your family, community or workplace. When you let go of preconceived ideas about others, and how you should act in certain situations, it is much easier to “find inner peace” and model it for others. I’ve been asked if I act differently when working with Muslim men and I say “no”. I respect their culture (for example by wearing a head scarf and loose clothes in Afghanistan), and I “speak my truth” when I’m with them. I believe they respect me for that. The same holds true with family members. Now that my children are grown, I make a concerted effort to respect them for their decisions and only to contribute my ideas when asked. This is indeed challenging at times, however, I am learning.
My Vision
I see a world free of war and violence.
One where all cultures and religions are accepted.
Where all people are respected and treated with respect;
Where people live together in communities that model the values
of contribution, collaboration, caring and connection.
Where people are truly connected with who they are and the gifts they have to share.
Where creativity is valued, and everyone knows how to tap into and express their creative side.
Where people have the courage to reach out for support when they need it.
I see a world where people trust their bodies, value their own wisdom, and know when and how to say no;
One that believes in the power of groups and synergy, that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts;
A world, where women and men stand together as partners.
What’s your vision? What will YOU do to help build peace in the world?
[1] A tool from Eastern psychology that I have found extremely useful for getting “out of my head” and into my body is Mindfulness Walking Meditation. Mindfulness practices focus on the senses and feeling sensations and emotions in our bodies. When we do mindfulness walking meditation, we feel the ground beneath our feet, the breeze against our face, the cool air going from our nostrils down into our lungs. We smell the scent of salt or the aroma of lavender in the air and observe the scenery in front of us. We try to stay out of our minds, and experience our senses. Rather than spend a walk in nature constantly thinking and processing all the things we have to do, instead we stay present and experience nature and all of its beautiful sights, smells, sounds and sensations.
2. A previous version of this article was published in the January 2017 issue of “Eydis Authentic Living magazine”.
What are you doing to contribute toward building peace in your family, community, workplace, the world?
Today is International Day of Peace (“Peace Day“) a day that is observed around the world on September 21st. It was established by a United Nations resolution in 1981 “as a shared date for all humanity to commit to Peace above all differences and to contribute to building a Culture of Peace.”
You may be thinking “how can I contribute to building peace in the world?” How can I really make a difference?
I believe that we all have a role to play in helping build peace in the world, and that each and every one of us CAN make a difference.
Building peace starts from the inside out. When we find inner peace and model it for others, we then help build peace in our families, our communities, our workplaces … the world.
What do I mean by peace?
I’d like to share a poem that for me describes inner peace (source unknown).
“Peace.
It does not mean to be in a place
where there is no noise, trouble
or hard work.
It means to be in the midst of
these things and still be calm
in your heart.”
What do you do to find inner peace?
Here are a few proven strategies and powerful practices that I use to help stay calm, focused and grounded.
Starting the day off right:
Rather than leaping out of bed and “hitting the ground running” make a conscious effort to quiet your mind and scan your body from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. Notice any tension or discomfort; breathe into these areas and consciously release and let of the tension.
Do some conscious stretching. I incorporate some yoga stretches with crunches to awaken my body before I do anything else. Mindfully massaging different joints of your body from head to toe is also meditative.
Meditate for 10 to 20 minutes. There are a number of digital products available to help you do this. I have found Deepak and Oprah’s 21-day meditation experiences helpful as they focus on a key theme, and each day, break down the theme. In addition, beautiful nature sounds and music play in the background to assist you in relaxing and staying focused.
Ground yourself. Being centered and grounded helps you to be more responsive rather than reactive when interacting with others. “For example, with our family members, when we are centered, grounded and at peace we truly focus on each individual and connect with them at the heart level. They then feel listened to, understood, accepted, and loved. Likewise in the workplace if a colleague gets upset or angry we can show empathy and understanding rather than reacting to them with frustration or as if they are a threat.”[1]
Here is a tool I have found extremely useful in helping me to get centered and grounded. I do this exercise at the start of every day and also before I head into an important meeting or go “on stage” for a speaking event. I go somewhere quiet (depending on the venue it may be a washroom stall), then close my eyes and take several deep breaths to get into my body. I imagine I have roots growing out of the bottom of my feet going deep down into the earth. Then I imagine drawing the earth’s energy coming up through my feet, legs and into my heart. I then imagine I have branches reaching up to the sky to access the universal or source energy (or whatever you wish to call it) and feel that energy coming down through my head and neck and into my heart. I imagine that I am grounded to the earth and to the sky. This enables me to be much more powerful in the work I do and to be less reactive and more responsive in my interactions with others at work or at home.
Throughout the Day:
Spend regular time in nature – Being in nature is therapeutic. Walking among trees (e.g. in parks and forests) releases stress in our bodies. After several decades of research, the Japanese have demonstrated that walking among trees decreases our heart rate, our blood pressure and increases the number of natural killer cells our body produces. Being in on or by water clears our energy field and helps ground us.
Be grateful for what you have. On awakening or at the end of the day write down 3 to 5 things you are grateful for. There is mounting evidence on the benefits of gratitude:
“With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives.
In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness
lies at least partially outside themselves. As a result, gratitude also
helps people connect to something larger than themselves
as individuals — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power.”[2]
For additional tools to support you to find inner peace and also to help build peace in your family, community, workplace … the world, check out my book “Learning to Dance with Life” that is underpinned by evidence from neuroscience, eastern psychology and the health-promoting and healing benefits of the arts.
I’d love to hear what tools you use to start your days off right, and to find peace amidst the chaos of daily life and work. I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences below.
Here’s to helping build peace in the world one person at a time!
[1] Thompson, Pamela, Learning to Dance with Life: A Guide for High Achieving Women, p. 144
With all of the recent events, protests and discussion around anti-black racism, it is has made me reflect on some valuable lessons I learned from Dr. Vern Redekop[1] while studying at the Canadian Institute for Conflict Resolution in the early 1990s. At that time, Vern was working on his PhD and I was honored to be part of a social experiment he was conducting as part of his dissertation. Vern was researching what would make people who had been discriminated against and harmed on many levels forgive their perpetrators and move forward, as well as increase understanding between the “victim” and the “perpetrator”.
To that end, Vern researched a number of different disciplines and conducted seminars that he invited a mix of people from various backgrounds, cultures, religions and ethnicities to participate in. At the beginning of each seminar he would share the research related to some aspect of the conflict process. Then we were divided into small groups to work on questions Vern provided. Following that we debriefed with the larger group.
There were many participants who shared horrific experiences based on religious, ethnic, and cultural differences. I recall a black man from Rwanda who had seen his family cut up in front of him as part of the genocide that took place in that country. There was an ex-policeman from Northern Ireland who had left the country due to death threats. There was a Sri Lankan woman who had been held hostage by the Khmer Rouge. So many stories and heart-breaking experiences were shared. As well, many of those who shared the horrific acts that had been perpetrated against them, also shared that they had learned to forgive their perpetrators.
There are several things that stand out for me from that experience that I believe can increase our understanding of anti-black racism and other prejudices and horrific acts. One was that in order for “victims” (those who had experienced atrocities and discrimination) to forgive their “perpetrators” (those who had committed the atrocities), the perpetrators had to acknowledge what they had done and issue a formal apology to that person or group. What also was useful in terms of process was for the “victim” or “victims” to sit in a circle with the “perpetrator” or “perpetrators” and for each to share how they were impacted by what had happened. This created increased understanding on both sides and also enabled the “victim(s)” to decide what type of punishment they felt was due to their “perpetrator”. This is how restorative justice is practised (for example among some indigenous communities in Canada) and it is interesting to note that the punishments that are decided upon by the “victim(s)” in a restorative justice process are usually much less harsh than typical sentences arrived at in court.[2]
The other learning that stands out for me was some research Vern shared that demonstrated that the need to belongoutweighs many other human needs, and historical events have borne this out. This is important when we think about racism and other forms of prejudice and acts of violence, because it helps us to better understand why people do what they do. It also helps us recognize that it takes a strong and courageous person to step away from a group he/she belongs to and take a stand that is in opposition to that group as they run the risk of being criticized, punished and ostracized.
These two “lessons” from conflict studies and from research on history, human nature and culture I believe are important, particularly at this time when the light is being shone on anti-black racism and other forms of racism worldwide.
Understanding and awareness are important for change to begin. It is also important to understand that there are many layers of belief and cultural conditioning that we need to “peel away” in order to truly forgive, heal and create a better world.
“(A) world free of war and violence;
One where all cultures, (races) and religions are accepted;
Where all people are respected and treated with respect;
Where people live together in communities that model
The values of contribution, collaboration, caring and connection …
One that believes in the power of groups and synergy,
That the whole is greater than the sum of the parts;
A world where women and men stand together as partners.:”[3]
Based on these learnings what actions can we take to move forward and create a better world? I welcome your thoughts and suggestions below.
[1] Professor Emeritus, Conflict Studies, Saint Paul’s University, Founder of the Social Reconciliation, Just Peace and Development Research Group and author of From Violence to Blessing: How an Understanding of Deep-Rooted Conflict Can Open Paths to Reconciliation
[2] “Restorative justice is commonly defined as an approach to justice that focuses on addressing the harm caused by crime while holding the offender responsible for their actions, by providing an opportunity for the parties directly affected by the crime – victims, offenders and communities – to identify and address their needs in the aftermath of a crime. Restorative justice is based on an understanding that crime is a violation of people and relationships. The principles of restorative justice are based on respect, compassion and inclusivity. Restorative justice encourages meaningful engagement and accountability and provides an opportunity for healing, reparation and reintegration. Restorative justice processes take various forms and may take place at all stages of the criminal justice system.” (Source: https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/cj-jp/rj-jr/index.html)
[3] Excerpted and slightly modified from Learning to Dance with Life: A Guide for High Achieving Women by Pamela Thompson, pp. 153 & 154
