Are you starting a new life chapter? Starting a new chapter in your life is similar to writing a chapter in a book. Both require courage, creativity, commitment, an openness to learning and growing, and time. Let’s explore the similarities.
Courage
It takes courage to end one chapter in your life and begin a new one. Even if a life transition is one you have chosen, it still requires courage to take that next step into the unknown, toward that life, relationship, business of your dreams.
A helpful framework to do this is the Art of Change Framework – https://old.pamela-thompson.com/how-to-navigate-change-from-the-inside-out-a-personal-journey/In this framework, there are three phases: an Ending, a Neutral Zone, and a New Beginning. Each phase has work associated with it and if we don’t do the work, we often keep repeating the same patterns in our lives, remaining unhappy and unfulfilled or choosing the next relationship or job based on the wrong reasons (e.g. that are out of alignment with our core values).
It also takes courage when starting to write a book. Which genre do I choose? What is my “why” for writing this book? What is my first step? It involves venturing into the unknown often without a clear plan and trusting that everything will work out.
Creativity
The work associated with the second phase of the Art of Change Framework is envisioning that life, relationship, work of your dreams. This is a time for creativity.
Likewise, when writing a book, as authors we depend on creative ideas surfacing. There are techniques we can use to enhance those possibilities such as creating a sacred space where we write and leaving “bread crumbs”[1] after each session so that we have a place to start when we next begin to write, instead of staring at a blank page.
Commitment
We need to be committed when we enter the New Beginning phase of a life transition to create a plan for moving forward toward that new life, relationship, business of our dreams.
Similarly, when writing a book, we need to allocate a certain amount of time each week to write, block that time off and follow through. It is also helpful; for example, to set a goal of writing 1,000 words each time we sit down to write. Some authors also find it beneficial to designate a certain amount of time to each writing session.
Openness to Learning and Growing
When starting a new chapter in our lives and writing a new chapter in a book, it is important to be open to learning and growing. Both processes require that we learn and grow. Similar, to a butterfly moving through the various stages from larva to chrysalis to beautiful, winged creature, we as humans transform through the process of embarking on or writing a new chapter.
Time
It takes time to move through the transition journey process and it takes time to write a book. Part of the process involves transforming, and healing, and we cannot force that process. That said we can commit to taking the time to write that next book or navigate that life transition.
Where are you in your transition journey? Are you writing a book or navigating a new life transition? I welcome your thoughts and questions below.
A dear friend of mine, Anita Adams – https://joyfulinspiredliving.com, has recently launched a new book “Whispers of the Soul”. In it she vulnerably shares her experience of a major transition, from founding and leading a national non-profit in the film industry in Canada for almost two decades, to shutting it down and becoming a leadership coach, podcast host, speaker and author. In her book, she eloquently shares her process and lessons learned and demonstrates courage, creativity, commitment, an openness to learning and growing and the recognition that it takes time to consciously move through a life transition.
Praised by early reviewers (including myself) as a treasure trove of inspiration, “Whispers of the Soul” caters to both novices and seasoned seekers alike. With its blend of personal anecdotes, profound insights, and thought-provoking exercises, it’s sure to ignite your curiosity and fuel your journey of self-exploration. Learn more and get your copy here: https://joyfulinspiredliving.com/books.
Are you in the “New Beginning” phase? Based on more than 30 thirty years working with people and organizations, William Bridges, an organizational theorist, identified that regardless of the transition you are going through there are three distinct phases: 1) an Ending; 2) a Neutral Zone; and 3) a New Beginning. He also discovered that there is work associated with each phase and if we don’t do the work, we often keep repeating the same patterns in our lives and remaining unhappy and unfilled.
Bridges differentiated between a life change and a transition; a change being something external and situational, something tangible such as a separation agreement or a pink slip. Whereas a transition is internal and psychological; the internal work we do to reorient, integrate and readjust to our new external reality.
I’ve gone through many transitions in my life and have been fortunate to have chosen many of them rather than having them imposed on me. That said, both types of transitions require time, introspection, and benefit from tools to support the process.
I will apply Bridge’s phases to the current transition I am in with the hope that they will be useful to you.
Phase 1: The Ending
In late September 2023, I handed over the leadership of Female Wave of Change Canada – https://fwoccanada.com, a national, member-based non-profit I incorporated in December 2020 with the aim to build the community and grow the Female Wave of Change – https://femalewaveofchange.com movement in Canada. It was truly a passion project. I felt so aligned with the mission, vision and values of this organization and of Ingun Bol the founder.
That said, within the third year I started to feel tired and that I wanted to open up space to do more creative work. I waited for the appropriate time (e.g. until the Board positions were filled with good people who worked well together). I was clear and announced to the Board in early May of 2023 that by the end of September at our next Annual General Meeting (AGM) I would be handing over the reins of leadership. Fortunately, two extremely capable, heart-centered women leaders came forward to Co-Lead the organization and officially became Co-Presidents at our AGM.
The work of the Ending phase is “letting go” and I added to Bridge’s model “identifying lessons learned”.
In this transition What did I let go of?
The status associated with being President of a vibrant and growing community
Regular connections with the Board
Regular connections with the Global Strategy Team
Co-creating monthly gatherings with featured guests
Certain Structure in my days and weeks.
What lessons did I learn?
When I listen to my body’s wisdom and follow it everything works
It takes time to move from the ending, through the neutral zone to the new beginning even when you have clarity on your next goal/vision
The biggest lesson I learned is that you need to integrate the New Beginning into your body; it can’t only be a goal/vision in your head. This takes time and some healing. It cannot be rushed.
I realized I was really tired but didn’t give myself time immediately after the handover to rest up. Instead, I planned and went on an amazing three-week adventure to Portugal with a dear friend. It was great to reward myself, and important to recognize that I needed to take time after to nourish myself, rather than starting my next project.
How many times have you ended something, had clarity on your next area of focus and yet were challenged to get started?
That was my experience. Even though I wanted to open space to do more creative work, in particular, to write my third book, I found it difficult to get started. The best thing I did was not to force myself to start writing that book until I felt ready. It’s taken a few months of truly listening to my body and sleeping nine, ten and eleven hours a night and a three-week vacation in Mexico with my Sweetie to finally feel like I am ready to begin.
I share this experience and these lessons with you as when you are a driven person often you check things off the list, set your new goal and begin the next project without taking a break or celebrating. However, we all need time to let go, identify and integrate the lessons learned, celebrate, and re-energize and nourish ourselves.
I hope you found this post useful and welcome your comments and questions below.
What is the difference between a life change and a life transition? A life change is external and situational; something tangible such as a separation agreement or a “pink slip” when you lose a job. Whereas a life transition is internal and psychological. It is the internal work we do to reorient and readjust ourselves to our new external reality.[1]
Many of us do the life change but do not do what I call the “transition journey work”. When we only do the life change, we often keep repeating the same patterns in our lives and become frustrated and unfulfilled. An example is someone who consistently chooses new positions for the money without understanding and choosing based on their passions and what makes their soul sing. Another is someone who marries three, four or five times and after the initial honeymoon phase ends up in each relationship dealing with the same issues again and again and again, and either stays in the relationship and remains unhappy and unfulfilled or leaves and starts the process again.
The Benefits of doing the Internal Work
When we commit and take the time to do the internal psychological work and switch our beliefs and actions from resisting to embracing change, we no longer perceive change as a threat.
So how do you learn to embrace change and view it as a creative process that opens you up to new possibilities?
By understanding yourself and how you respond to change and why. And having a framework and tools to support you to navigate the journey.
The Art of Change Framework
Based on over 30 years of experience working with people and organizations in volatile environments including conflict zones, I created the “Art of Change Framework”. It is based on the metaphor “life is a dance” and underpinned by the belief that “embracing change is a creative process that opens us up to new possibilities.” Faced with yet another life transition, I decided to apply the “Art of Change Framework” to that transition and document the journey so I could share it with others.
On October 7, 2022, I had hip replacement surgery for my left hip. Due to osteoarthritis, I hardly had any cartilage left in it. That was the first major surgery I’d had.
My Transition Journey: Applying the “Art of Change Framework”
Step 1 – The first step in the “Art of Change Framework” is Shine the Light. This is where you explore how you respond to change and why.
Rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 10 in terms of how you typically respond to change “1” being “scares me to death” and “10” being “I thrive on it”. I rate myself as a “9” as I typically enjoy change and starting and experiencing new things. Perhaps you relate. The next activity is Rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 10 in terms of how you typically respond to a change that is imposed on you and that “comes out of the blue” such as when you receive a lay-off notice or when your partner says they no longer love you. I rate myself as a “6” on this scale.
Step 2 – Choose Your Dance – This is where you choose the transition you want to focus on, as it is preferable to focus on one transition at a time. The transition I’m choosing to focus on is my hip replacement surgery.
Step 3 – Feel the Rhythm and Learn the Steps – In this step you begin doing the work associated with where you are on your transition journey that includes: 1) an ending; 2) a neutral zone; and 3) a new beginning (adapted from the work of William Bridges). Each phase has work associated with it. The work associated with the ending is letting go and identifying lessons learned.
What did I have to let go of as part of my hip replacement surgery?
Fear I had about “going under the knife”
The emotions associated with grief; losing my once healthy hip, the one that had enabled me to run, jump, swim, hike … for all those years
The belief that I had somehow caused my hip cartilage to deteriorate based on all of the track and field, running, and jumping and other sports I have done since my youth
My independence as I had to let my partner and others support me during my recovery
The ability to do activities I regularly do such as yoga, walking in nature, swimming, hiking …
The belief that I’m getting old and as we age our health declines.
Step 4 – Practice, Practice, Practice – This step involves embracing change in your body and continuing to do the work associated with the phase of the transition journey you are in.
As part of the ending phase above, what lessons did I learn from the experience?
Patience; I had to learn that recuperating from this type of surgery takes time; at least three to six months
To reach out and ask for support
To receive and be okay depending on the physical and emotional support of others
What an amazing caregiver my partner Alan is
I am challenged to sit still and not be physically active
This provided me the opportunity to pause, reflect and take stock of my life and identify the many people and things I am grateful for
I received the insight that as it was my left hip that was replaced, it is representative of my feminine side. Perhaps my new hip will have “amped up” my feminine energy and help me to spend more time in flow and move forward more quickly and easily without driving and striving.
The neutral zone is the phase between the ending and the new beginning. The work of this phase is to get clear and envision the life, relationship, career of your dreams. It provides an opportunity to create and visualize what your new life will look and feel like. This can also be a fearful place as you have “taken the leap”, are entering unknown territory, and you’re not sure what’s on the other side or whether there is a net to catch you.
I could have chosen not to go on the surgical wait list about a year ago, but after encouragement from my partner I said yes.
What will my new life look like? I see myself:
playing with my grandkids, going up and down slides with them (including water slides), climbing on recreational equipment
kayaking with my Sweetie, going on motorcycle rides, and feeling comfortable on the back of Alan’s motorbike
awakening each day feeling whole, healthy and without pain
hiking and walking with friends and family on a regular basis
doing yoga three or more times a week
believing that life continues to be an adventure to be lived to the fullest
Step 5 – Share Your Dance with the World – In this step, due to the positive ways you respond to change, you inspire and are a positive role model for others.
In Conclusion
Applying the “Art of Change Framework” to my recent hip replacement experience reaffirmed for me that the 5-step “Art of Change Framework” and process takes you on a journey that transforms you from resisting and fearing change to moving through personal and professional transitions with greater ease, grace, and playfulness, resulting in increased clarity and confidence.
If the “Art of Change Framework” resonates for you, I encourage you to apply it to your own personal and professional transitions. I welcome your comments and questions below.
[1] Bridges, William, Transitions; Making Sense of Life’s Changes. Cambridge: Da Capo Press, 2004.
